Well it's been a while since I last blogged. Feels weird writing stuff but thought I would give it a go. I could go on about what a tough few months I have had but conpared to some people out there I would feel a fraud. So I won't say that what I will say is over the last few months I have lost two people I have thought a lot about and unfortunately they were both through suicide. I have wondered why, so many times over the last few weeks. I have wondered why they weren't helped, why such awful things have happened. Whether they would have lived if the right support had been offered. An unsurprisingly I have no answer just such sadness for their family for their friends, for the fact that their young lives have been cut short. My thoughts are with them, to Brian and Alan may they rest in peace x
Anyone who gets easily upset don't read this blog it's a little depressing, apologies!
Well I received my decree absolute through the post, I knew it was coming, I knew that it was well over due to happen but when I read that letter I'll be honest first thing I did was cry. I told myself to stop being silly I told everyone it was just because I knew my daughter would feel emotional about it. However, I was also a little sad for myself. The worse thing is at the end you can't help but look at the beginning. He was my first boyfriend, he was my best friend and we were very happy, sometimes, but often we weren't we were so young and trying so hard. But financially we were always counting the pennie's and there were never enough and so rather than working together we started to resent each other. Eventually we had both had enough and we split very amicably 5 years ago. This morning when I received the letter, I first beat myself up emotionally telling myself I should have tried harder not given up so easily. Then I started to wonder what my life over the las...
Ah hun you're not the only one thinking the same sweetie, the loss of two individuals whenever is hard but because it was of their own choosing is even harder and the hole that they will have left will remain with their friends and family forever. Everyone should have someone they can talk to - bare their soul and be honest - everyone should feel they can stretch that hand out when they need it! Let's try and brighten everyone's day that we meet today because you simply don't know what people's lives are like - sending you huge hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh Mel, I'm so ,so sorry to read this. I don't have any answers either (I lost my cousin to suicide 9 years ago) I just know it's difficult for those left behind. Please don't torture yourself with thoughts of "if only.." just know that they're in a better place for them.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending hugs.xx