Showing posts from 2011

Hi all

Hello everyone another quick break-neck speed blog post. Rihanna was fabulous as was Calvin Harris and really enjoyed the quality time with my daughter! First assignment completed and handed in, in time. I have even volunteered to have a stall at uni's Christmas market, the idea is to raise some money for charity and also take a percentage of what I make for myself which in turn can go into my Christmas present buying fund, which is looking pretty dire at the minute. Also will be fun as I have decided to make home made Christmas cards for my stall so in turn I will get some leisure time that I will enjoy e.g crafting. So for all intense and purposes things are going well! 
Hope all of you in blogland are well and feel free to comment!

Hi all

Haven't written a post in an age so thought I would stick a quick one on here. Uni is going great, really enjoying the modules and the new friends I have made. Enjoying learning again, not just the course material but about myself also. Feeling quite upbeat at the minute, which is really nice for me, as some of you know I'm not always this way! Also feeling very lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive and inspirational family!
Getting excited over christmas even though like so many years gone by I am totally unprepared for it but I am trying, even doing a DIY job in my home that has been a long time coming. I will of course stick a few pictures on here when it is completed! Also looking forward to the Rihanna concert I'm going to on Saturday, I bought tickets last Christmas, as a present for my daughter. Even been following a healthy eating regime and can already see a small difference. I was going to wait till after Christmas but then thought I could have lost half a sto…

One day down!

So first day done, only had a sit down talk to start with this morning. Then had to walk up to another building so they could take a photocopy of my qualification certificate's, then walked back into town and hopped on a bus home. Since I am starting this new Melanie regime I ate home made zero point veg soup for dinner, which was actually more like a stew but very tasty and now updating my blog. Not bad for half a day's work I think!
Going to get off here soon and fill in one form, which is boring (boo hiss) but necessary then as a reward for filling in the form I am going to have an hr crafting, think I will have deserved it. An if the crafting goes ok, I may even put it on here, but as I know how my crafting usually goes I will say, don't hold your breath lol. Hope fellow bloggers are having a nice Monday. 

Feeling very nervous!

So tomorrow is the start of my new life as a university student and I am basically bricking it. Not sure where I am going or what I should take with me or the times of buses etc.
Also worrying about meeting new people, worrying they won't like me, worrying about the work load, worrying about the juggling of money and living on a budget. Worrying that I will be the oldest one on the course, the fattest, the dumbest! So, I have had a lot on my plate trying to be realistic and trying to be positive which isn't always the easiest thing for me. On the other hand I am really excited as I have been wanting things to change for a considerate amount of time and this is a really big change.
I want to make the best of this opportunity and succeed!
So I will go and get myself sorted and will pop back on tomorrow to let you know how things went. Wish me luck! xTTFNx

Yee ha

Someday's, things just go right and things start to feel better and you can't help feeling quite joyful, other day's aren't like that at all but today is a good day so I thought I would do a lovely positive post!
Positive's are that this weekend is a bank holiday :), I have more than £3 to my name which is nice lol. I'm healthy and I have lost 3 pounds which puts me under one of those horrible stone barrier's that you feel you will never get under! I am starting university in September, my daughter is happy and loving our new kitty, Boo! 
Also my sister informed me that there are in fact 18 weeks not 13 till Christmas lol so that means a few more weeks to sort pressie's Thank God lol.
So yes things are good, which is nice! xTTFNx

It's all go!

Well just thought I would stick a quick post on here. Missed What's rocking my world but the sentiment is still present, so what's been rocking my world this week. Well I have been accepted to start university in September. I'm very nervous but also very excited and now there is so much to do to be ready. Paperwork type things, which I am so good at putting off. Housey related things, as my brother put it the other day, a tidy house = a tidy brain. Anyone that knows me would look at my house currently and say "that explains a lot!" I am determined to be really good and get organised before starting my course!
My sister also mentioned the dreaded C word in her blog, that's right Christmas and rather than years gone by when I have left everything till the last minute and being on such a tight budget means this year that isn't an option! So I am going to take a leaf out of her book and start putting things in to place starting with a few lists possibly follow…

well it's certainly been a while!

I can't believe that it is August already, haven't been on here in God knows how long. The last year has been weird to say the least and I am the first to admit that I haven't dealt with it at all well. I was diagnosed with depression and apart from my family there are people that won't believe this at all, as on the outside I seem such a happy go lucky person. I usually am quite upbeat but after years of struggling to keep myself upbeat and afloat the cracks began to appear. 
At first I went into my shell and stopped communicating, then as things got worse I started to try and escape by making stupid choices and burying my head in the sand. I'm still not doing very well and things have gradually got worse over the last year. I keep thinking that eventually I will turn a corner, eventually I will get up one morning and I will be back to my happy self, however I am starting to realise that this is not the case. I have no magic wand I have no quick fix and maybe it is…
Well it's been a while since I last blogged. Feels weird writing stuff but thought I would give it a go. I could go on about what a tough few months I have had but conpared to some people out there I would feel a fraud. So I won't say that what I will say is over the last few months I have lost two people I have thought a lot about and unfortunately they were both through suicide. I have wondered why, so many times over the last few weeks. I have wondered why they weren't helped, why such awful things have happened. Whether they would have lived if the right support had been offered. An unsurprisingly I have no answer just such sadness for their family for their friends, for the fact that their young lives have been cut short. My thoughts are with them, to Brian and Alan may they rest in peace x

So the question what is rocking my world this week, the answer is simple, quite a few things.
I'm loving the lighter nights, my breakfast of berries in porridge. Getting to work earlier so I get out sooner lol, Mac make up as I always feel so glamorous with it on! My art, I'm not professing to be any good at it but I really love it! Films I love them especially one's with Leonardo Dicaprio in, this week it has been Inception and blood diamond :)
Bright sunny mornings, even if it's cool outside. The fact that every day is fresh, new and exciting and you can be anything you want to be, you can start anything, you can do anything!
An it goes without saying my family who I am blessed to have! Hope you all have had a brilliant week and that next week is even better :)

Anyone who gets easily upset don't read this blog it's a little depressing, apologies!

Well I received my decree absolute through the post, I knew it was coming, I knew that it was well over due to happen but when I read that letter I'll be honest first thing I did was cry. I told myself to stop being silly I told everyone it was just because I knew my daughter would feel emotional about it. However, I was also a little sad for myself. The worse thing is at the end you can't help but look at the beginning. He was my first boyfriend, he was my best friend and we were very happy, sometimes, but often we weren't we were so young and trying so hard. But financially we were always counting the pennie's and there were never enough and so rather than working together we started to resent each other. Eventually we had both had enough and we split very amicably 5 years ago. This morning when I received the letter, I first beat myself up emotionally telling myself I should have tried harder not given up so easily. Then I started to wonder what my life over the last…

I like chocolate and chocolate likes my hips!

Well I seem to be very good at going off track, don't even see it coming and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been wondering why this happens and at first I came up with nothing but decided to dig a little deeper. Ask a few more searching questions to see if I can come up with any better answers.
The reason I start being good is that I want to be thinner, I want to be fitter, I want to feel healthy. I want to be a good role model for my daughter and encourage her to eat things that are going to be good for her. An for a spell I manage very well, I eat well, I exercise and I feel good. Then without any thought I eat one thing that is rubbish, then another and before I know it I have had a week of eating rubbish and I feel rubbish.
The question is why? The only thing I can think is that I do it to block up a dam. Not always a bad thing but I do it to distract me from what I am feeling.I do it so I don't have to deal with stuff happening, the washing, the drying, the ho…
This is the first time I have added a picture to my blog so if it doesn't work then this reason explains why. What's rocking my Friday well obviously my friend's hen party which was last Saturday night really good especially without the alcohol. My new red hair which has cheered me up no end, I'm happier when I'm different I feel more like my old self lol. Music always a blessing, this week I have listened to lil Wayne, Die for you, brill song if you get a chance have a listen  (sorry about the swear words). Kesha, We R Who We R which is such a good dance track. An one of my old favourites Metallica, Whiskey in the jar. Another blessing my new phone, HTC desire HD which I love and at every moment keeps me in touch with the whole world with it's internet, friend's stream (facebook twitter for those not in the know) and you tube :) music in abundance!
My new printer which has given me the opportunity to upload my above photo! My art journalling, which I have f…


W. H. DaviesLeisure WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?— No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows: No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass: No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night: No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance: No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began? A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
This popped in to my head as I thought about my life, I spend so much time rushing here, there and everywhere. Sometimes my life seems so busy that I forget to appreciate what's all around me, I forget to really look at my beautiful daughter and to appreciate the young lady she is becoming. I forget to breathe in the fresh air, to look at the snowdrops coming through in my garden. To appreciate the little things, the little miracles that occ…

Morning all

Well it's a Sunday morning and I have decided to pick myself up off the proverbial floor and cheer my butt up! As they say if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. So it is time to change things, shake things up a little! So hopefully this will be a happier post :)

I was at a friends hen party last night and I honestly haven't laughed so much! I danced my butt off, I took photo's of a man who arrived at the hotel in a Trotter's Independent Trader van dressed in a flat cap and sheepskin coat with a blowup doll (I didn't ask about that). I attempted every dance move that has ever been created and created a few new one's myself. I think people's favourites seemed to be the Nosferatu (creep, for short) the running man, the grapevine and my personal favourite the pointy finger dance! An all of this was done without a drop of alcohol passing my lips!
Benefits of no alcohol means no hangover, no lost possessions…


Just to prove that I've always been special and here is the proof - this is me now wading my way back to who I was back then and slowly I'm getting there!

Today has been even harder!

Okay, so today has been one of those days where, wherever you go there seems to be chocolate and nice things to eat. An you can't eat them and you are so stressed you want a glass of wine to de-stress and you are in need of a big hug from the man of your dreams that is laying next to you on the sofa. But then you realise you are healthy eating so no chocolate and you are teetotal so no wine and you are single so no hug!!!
Wow when those days arrive you don't quite know what to do for the best! Well I have had one of them and they are tough, today has been tough and the negative voices have been loud and they have been saying all sorts. Like "You should just eat what you like and enjoy it", "Have a bottle of wine that will make you feel better",  "It's horrible being on your own, you should just do all the things you want as you deserve it"
Then I made a decision, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, I decided to give myself a …

So what do I do now!

Well I've done my usual ha ha I have started all these things with great gusto and motivation and now the question is, what's next. I am healthy eating, drinking plenty of water, not drinking alcohol and exercising. So now I should be thin, right? 
Wrong, I know it takes longer than a week but I am very impatient and I like to see results immediately if not sooner! My main problem is I have no weighing scales in the house, I have been good for about a week and I can't tell if my new regime is working or not as I'm not sure what weight I was to start with!
So I realised this morning I need a new challenge, something to work towards other than seeing the pounds come off on the scales. Something that is possible to achieve but not without I put the effort in!

It is easy just to plod through life without setting any goals and without putting ourselves out there. I personally struggle with the idea of failure, so it's easier to only try to accomplish things I am able to do…

liquid cream cake?

Well just before new year, I was thinking about what my new year's resolution's should be and one of them was obviously to lose some weight. I decided to do it through healthy eating and exercise but something I realised would have to change is drinking alcohol. It's true what they say it's liquid cream cake and it also lowers your inhibitions so there is a higher chance of you snacking on things that are high in calories. Plus everyone knows the best cure for a hangover is a big fry up and to get on the settee and not move all day!
Well I decided to not be that person, I decided that 2011 was going to be different, no more hangovers, no more eating rubbish. Everything I've done so far does not shape what I'm about to do, what I am able to become! 

So I just stopped now it hasn't been easy plenty of people offer to buy me drinks and now I just say thanks can I have a diet coke please or a tonic water or occasionally a J20. Then comes the look followed by &quo…

Better today!

So today has been better, nothing majorly different happened but my outlook was different. I was positive and rather than listen to the negative voice I shouted over the top of it! I have eaten well, been to work, done some housework put some music on and bopped round the house with a smile on my face! An I feel good, I feel happy and although I know I'm not yet where I want to be, I know I am on my way! Virginia spoke about the life affirming book she lent me and I have been using it, I don't yet believe them all but by saying them I'm sure eventually I will! One of my favourites from the book is "Whatever happens I will handle it" above all others this is probably the most important. Say it to yourself and realise it is true!

Some days are just harder!

So today I got dressed to go to the gym, I was tired but I was determined to do some exercise. So I went, I really enjoyed it but due to having not done any exercise over Christmas I found it hard going. Also the run I had done yesterday had made my legs feel like lead. So I only managed 30 mins before I had to throw the towel in. When I got home I had a a big salad and then spent a good few minutes kicking myself that I had only managed 30 mins, then I had a shower and put some clothes on, everything felt tight and I again kicked myself that I was fat etc.
Now at this point I thought what's the point, closely followed by I'm fed up I may just eat what I want and give up, then I thought I'm never going to be the size I want to be. I quickly realised that by saying these things even in my head I was positively reinforcing them. So I stopped, I took a deep breath and told myself that if I gave up now that I would have been right, I wouldn't lose any weight and I wouldn&#…

Right then (pulls sleeves up)

I've had the most amazing day I met a friend for coffee (fed my heart) I went for a run (fed my body) and I had a lovely conversation with Virginia the best sister a girl could wish for (fed my soul).
I have had such a positive day, I made a plan and I carried it out. I lived rather than survived. What have I gained from my brill day, a healthy happy outcome on things to come!I'm grateful for my lovely family and especially my daughter, I am blessed to have her and I thank God every day for the miracle that is her!
So, up to now I have stopped drinking, I have started eating healthier foods, I'm drinking more water after a truly awful headache yesterday, I've started exercising. It's all going well but I'm not an idiot I know I have been on this track before and when things haven't gone right I have given up and thrown the towel in.
The difference this time is that I now understand you get out of life what you put in, if I put the hard work in hopefully I wi…

ha ha ha

Well already I have missed a day but as someone once said to er is human and anyone who knows me will vouch for just how er sorry I mean human I am!
The important thing is to recognise I'm not perfect but my imperfections are what make me unique so my new thing is to embrace it!
So today the good has been healthy eating all day and a bit of cleaning, the bad no exercise but I'm not going to kick myself as I have had a major headache all day, but due to my very clever brother I soon realised what was causing it. Simple answer, not enough liquid! So tomorrow, what can I do differently, I can drink water and I can also go for a run. This will make me feel better but one thing it won't do is fulfill me spiritually, so I am trying to find something that will aid that! Any ideas are appreciated?
I haven't felt particularly positive but the saying fake it till you make it is something I'm willing to give a try!


Well I have nothing of interest to talk about but since it has been so long since I last did a blog thought I would start by just putting a little bit of something on here. 
I had a lovely Christmas and a great new year and made some pretty big resolutions. Which I do every year but this time for a change I thought I may try to do some of them! So the first was to lead a fitter, healthier life. The first thing I have done is to go tee-total, this has been the case since 28th December 2010 which is when I had my last drink. Next thing is to start healthy eating, drinking more water and doing more exercise. I always say to my sister I don't understand why I don't do all these things all the time as I always feel better and more energised and generally happier. 
So from tomorrow it is all go, I am going to write a little something on here every night about the kind of day I have had what I have accomplished etc. Can't promise it will be exciting but hopefully it will keep me fo…