I like chocolate and chocolate likes my hips!

Well I seem to be very good at going off track, don't even see it coming and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been wondering why this happens and at first I came up with nothing but decided to dig a little deeper. Ask a few more searching questions to see if I can come up with any better answers.

The reason I start being good is that I want to be thinner, I want to be fitter, I want to feel healthy. I want to be a good role model for my daughter and encourage her to eat things that are going to be good for her. An for a spell I manage very well, I eat well, I exercise and I feel good. Then without any thought I eat one thing that is rubbish, then another and before I know it I have had a week of eating rubbish and I feel rubbish.

The question is why? The only thing I can think is that I do it to block up a dam. Not always a bad thing but I do it to distract me from what I am feeling.I do it so I don't have to deal with stuff happening, the washing, the drying, the housework, the fact that I am single. I also seem to be pretty afraid of failing, if I don't try then I can't fail! However, is this the way I want to continue and the answer to that is no.

This isn't just about losing weight it's more about finding out why I do this and how I move forward! It's like I'm trying to punish myself and I don't really know why. I have no will power and eating rubbish is instant satisfaction. I was considering doctoring this post, worrying that being this honest would make me look a little weird. Then I thought who isn't a little weird, who doesn't on occasion do daft stuff, but not everyone puts it on there blog ha ha oh well.
So I'm going to start with a little positive reinforcement I am going to start believing in myself, I'm going to start slowly. I have now signed up for Sheffield half marathon in May and I'm pretty scared, scared I won't manage to finish it, scared I will look daft, scared that I will look like a fool. Before I worry about all those things though I am going to start training, just going for a couple of jogs a week. I'm going to try and eat good things and stay positive! I will of course update you on what's happening of course! As they say, one step at a time!!!! 

xTTFNx

Comments

  1. SusieJ17 February 2011 at 23:33

    Go for it girl! I recognise the vicious circle you're in - I don't think there's a woman alive who wouldn't.
    Don't be too hard on yourself and, as you say, take it one day at a time.
    I'm cheering you on.
    Hugs xx

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  2. Virginia18 February 2011 at 07:47

    Absolutely young lady that is the only way to go and you know it! Well done you for finally signing up for the marathon! Stop beating yourself up with food and starting working through those emotions! You can do this and you can make those achievements if you set your mind to it!

    Hugs

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  3. Sandra Hall18 February 2011 at 19:08

    I salute you for your honesty Mel (pretty brave too, not doctoring your post) You are strong and I think you'll get where you want to be BECAUSE you are strong. And the marathon thing, like you said - one step at a time (might take you longer than most but you'll get to the finishing line!) I believe in you :)x

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